The End of the One Child Policy

Friday, October 30, 2015

 

    by LWB Community  
Today China announced it would be ending its formal one-child policy, which has been in place for decades and is estimated to have prevented over 400 million births.  Two years ago, China began to relax the policy, allowing certain couples who met specific criteria to have a second child. The news from the government today however, will allow ALL couples in China to have a second baby if they desire. This is wonderful news for everyone in China who has wished their only child could have a sibling to share life with.
Siblings
My inbox began filling as soon as the news hit, with people asking me if this would mean big changes for China’s orphanage system as well. Quite honestly, however, I don’t feel it will have much if any impact.
There is still a widely held (and mistaken) belief that orphanages in China are filled with healthy children, given up due to the one-child policy, but as I have explained in several blogs in the past, orphanage populations have shifted completely since I first began working in China over a decade ago. It is extremely rare for a “healthy” child to even enter orphanage care these days, and those that do are quickly adopted domestically.
IMG_0787
There are long waiting lists of Chinese families hoping to adopt a healthy child, and many travel often very long distances in search of an orphanage who can make their dream possible. You only have to do a quick internet search to find article after article in Chinese newspapers about healthy babies and children being trafficked to feed the demand of those desperate for a child. China has even set up a new database to help trafficked children be reunited with birthparents, as well as a DNA registration system for kids entering orphanage care. Both are clear signs the government is acknowledging the high demand for healthy kids which has sadly had some terrible consequences. The main takeaway about orphanages which everyone should realize, however, is this:  the days of healthy infant girls being abandoned due to the one-child policy and ending up in orphanage care are long over.
Babies in orphanage
The reality of abandonment today in China is that it’s almost entirely children with medical needs who are left in hospitals, on sidewalks, and in front of orphanage gates. Again, a quick news search on this topic will lead you to multiple articles about the rash of abandonments which occurred when China set up “safe houses,” a good intention to make sure kids were kept safe when left by their parents. Many of the drop-off facilities were forced to close within months of their opening, such as this one in Sichuan province, when the local orphanages became overwhelmed with the number of children with medical needs being dropped off.
newly abandoned
We have relationships with over 100 orphanages in China, and they all tell us the same story. Almost every child they now take in has medical needs, which brings a very new challenge to providing quality care to each of them.
As the orphan population has shifted, we have shifted our programs as well to keep up.  Of course our healing program is often the first contact we have with a new child. Many of the children need emergency medical care right away after abandonment, as some parents keep their kids until they become gravely ill, before panicking and leaving them in desperation. I give thanks every day that we have programs in place to provide top quality hospital care and then a safe place for them to recover in our healing homes.
lwb healing home
But our other programs are just as essential with this changing population as well. Many orphanages are filled with children who will never qualify to attend the local public schools due to their special needs. In the last few years, we have seen a strong desire on the part of orphanages to set up in-orphanage schools for the children, so that everyone has at least some chance at an education. Our Believe in Me school program model (run in partnership with local orphanages) has been in place since 2004, and we can’t keep up with the number of orphanages who have asked for help with such a program in their own facilities. We are working on a very exciting new project to get inclusive curriculum into the hands of as many orphanages as possible, because for at least the next decade, this is going to be a critical need for orphanage staff. How do you keep a population of children who have varied and multiple special needs engaged and give every child some opportunity at schooling?
Orphanage school
I remain firmly committed to our foster care program as well, even though the recent building of enormous orphanages in China has caused many localities to do away with home-based care. And while it has indeed become harder to find foster families open to caring for kids with often complex needs, I celebrate each and every time we’re able to move a child from institutional care out into the local community. There is still a pervading stigma and fear surrounding so many special needs in China, and so each time we’re able to successfully place a child with special needs (such as cleft or albinism) into a neighborhood or village, the ripple effect on everyone who falls in love with that child can’t even be measured. When I visit our foster care programs and see entire communities embracing kids with cerebral palsy and missing limbs and Down Syndrome, I know that hearts are being impacted in a beautiful and long-lasting way.
Albinism
Down Syndrome Foster Care
I know so many people were overjoyed at the news today that the one-child policy is officially being retired, but I honestly don’t anticipate any change in the often overwhelming needs of Chinese orphanages. Nannies and caregivers face growing challenges as they care for increasingly sick children, many of whom will remain institutionalized long-term.  I am very encouraged by all of the steps I see the government taking to fund programs for physical therapy, special education, and healthcare, but of course charities have an important role to play as well, since there are hundreds of thousands of orphaned children needing help.
~Amy Eldridge, Chief Executive Officer
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Look Who Else is 4!

Monday, March 23, 2015
Joel turned 4 on March 11, exactly four weeks after Mia. He also got a scooter and helmet for his birthday. Both kids love playing outside. We have had Joel for twelve weeks now. He is doing quit well. He now knows most of his colors and can count to ten. He can verbably spell his name. He knows several preschool songs. He seems to understand most of what we say to him, and he is continually learning to say more and more. He LOVES cars, trucks and balls. 



school picture by Lifetouch


Joel has gone through a series of medical tests since we returned home with him. His special needs were post op VSD and possible neck malformation. His heart echo shows that his heart was repaired well in China. He may have slight pulmonary hypertension. Our pediatrician suspects that he may have asthma; anytime he gets sick he has troubled breathing and needs a nebulizer. The breathing issue was a surprise to us; China made no mention of it. Hopefully, this is something he will outgrow.

Joel came to us with a vitamin D deficiency, which is very common in children adopted from China. We were surprised that his iron  levels were actually good. Though he was immunized in China, none of the antibodies for the immunizations were present in his bloodstream. The shots given were most likely outdated or weakened. So, he had to begin his immunizations all over as if he were a newborn. 

Concerning his neck, he has an extra half vertebrae on one side that causes his neck to tilt.  The orthopedic specialist says that the issue is too high up to operate on due to the risks involved, but he will continue to monitor Joel in case the problems progress.

Joel seems happy at home and is doing well in school. Those first weeks at school were rough, and I didn't know if he would adjust, but he did. We still believe that the spot opening up in Mia's preschool class while we were in China was a gift from God. As I mentioned before the spot was held for Joel because the school's secretary thought the spot was meant for him. And the teacher's aide in the class is Chinese and speaks fluent Mandarin. Only God could have orchestrated those details. 

Joel and Mia are either playing really well together or fighting like cats and dogs. I believe as they get older that they will appreciate having a sibling from their birth country. 


Adoption is hard, but the rewards are great.



Look Who's 4!

Wednesday, February 11, 2015
Our little Mia is 4...Wow, it's hard to believe. Mia is very silly and very, very precocious. 
















We love you Mia!

Since We've Been Home

Saturday, January 31, 2015
The first few weeks home are the hardest. The Monday after we returned, Yangkang had a visit with the international adoption specialist at Cardinal Glennon. They did an EKG, echocardiogram, ultrasound of his kidneys, x-rays of neck and spine, and a long list of blood tests. Tuesday evening, the cough he had in China suddenly got much worse, and in the middle of the night he started running a fever. We took him to our pediatrician the next morning. She started him on antibiotics and breathing treatments. That night he was having trouble breathing, so we took him to the emergency room just  4 minutes from our house. The pediatrician thought that he should be transferred to Cardinal Glennon so our ER took care of him (got his fever down and breathing a little more stable with increased meds), and then sent us on to Cardinal Glennon, where we thought he was going to be admitted. We got there at midnight, and were sent through the ER. They checked his vitals, reviewed the report from the previous ER, and then sent us home at 3:00am. So the first week was mostly focused on getting him better and trying to get some sleep.

The Tuesday morning before Yangkang became ill, I decided to call Mia's Pre-K to ask about early intervention. We got some very surprising news. I was told that early intervention is through a different program, but that she had something she wanted to run by me. While we were in China a spot opened up in the am pre-k class that Mia attends. We were told that these spots are coveted and that openings like this never occur. The secretary at the school saw Brent's Facebook post and pictures of Yangkang. She thought that this spot was meant for Yangkang. She had already gotten it approved through the superintendent if we wanted to give it a try. I really didn't think we would be putting him in such a program until next fall, but this was an amazing opportunity that felt like a God thing. I would have said no, but the teacher's aid in the class just happens to be Chinese and speaks fluent Mandarin! Definitely, a God thing, but still scary. He was going to start last Wednesday, but then got sick. So he started this week.

He has been there 1 week now. He had a pretty good first day, not so good second and third day (crying for Mama), then day four and five were much better with no crying. Thursday was a big day for him. He didn't cry at school for the first time. He sat long enough to have books read to him. He counted to 2, and he said a few new words. He is also showing interest and understanding of using the potty.

Biggest obstacles now (things to pray about):

language barrier
running away from us in public
Mia and Yangkang's jealousy and fighting
getting into a new normal routine
sleep

Things I love about Yangkang (We call him Kangkang, a nickname he got at the orphanage. We will start integrating the name Joel soon.):

his laugh
when he smiles so big that he has dimples
he is very affectionate
the way he says "Mama!" when I pick him up at pre-k
his silliness

Things Yangkang loves:

anything involving water (baths, brushing teeth, and discovery tubes at school that are filled with water)
salty snacks
Pooh Bear
juice, not a fan of milk
eating
Chinese children's DVD that helps teach English (Not sure if it's helping, but he loves to watch it.)
hugs and kisses
balls and balloons (He thinks popping balloons is hilarious. This does not amuse his sister.)
having a family (He hasn't told us this, but we are pretty sure it's true.)


                                                                                                                   LORI



Home With Our Son

Monday, January 26, 2015
We arrived home Friday Jan. 16 after twenty some hours of travel time. I had intended to blog while traveling, but it just didn't happen. The VPN program to bypass blocked internet sites in China was blocked in Shanghai and also in our son's province. We did have internet part of the time in Guangzhou, but I didn't feel much like blogging. So now I will share a little...

Friday, January 2, we had to get up at 2:30 am to start our day. We traveled from Chicago to Shanghai; such a long painful flight. When we got there it was Saturday evening because of the time difference. A hot shower, decent meal, and a good night's sleep helped a lot. We didn't do any site seeing in Shanghai, because of the lack of time and from being too tired. Sunday morning we took the bullet train to Nanjing, where we received our son on Monday January 5.

Gotcha Day is terrifying. After a long seventeen months of paperwork, waiting, and many emotional ups and downs, we faced one of the most nerve racking experiences a person can go through; much worse than wedding day jitters.

We got to the Civil Affairs Office before he arrived. Four other families were there for their children too. One little girl had already been handed over to her family before we got there, and she was crying at the top of her lungs and screaming "no" repeatedly.

Finally, the door opened and in walked two little boys. We saw Yangkang for the first time. He seemed really out of it. The first stage of grieving in toddlers is the zombie stage, but he hadn't been handed over to us yet. We were quickly told that the two boys were acting opposite of their personalities. The little boy that was smiling and playing was typically quiet and shy. Yangkang, they said was usually outgoing, but was now quiet and withdrawn. They also said that he had just woke up from a nap, and that he was sick with a cough. They brought Amoxicillin and some cold medicine for us if we wanted to give them to him. We all hugged him and talked to him, and even held him, but got very little response from him.

The adoption is not finalized on Gotcha Day; families have a 24 hour bonding period to make sure they want to go through with the adoption.  Once we were back at the hotel, the second stage of grieving began--crying. We weren't in the room for long when he went to the door and tried to open it. He then leaned against the wall and began quietly sobbing. When we tried to console him, he began crying louder. For the rest of the day he cried off and on. He got very upset when we took of his coat and later his shoes. He kept hanging on to his shoes and pointing to the door, then crying more. He also got very upset when I changed his diaper. (He is not potty trained. The nannies at the orphanage said that they didn't even try to train him, because the orphanage doesn't have enough help. He is almost 4 years old, and has no idea he should be using the potty, and with the language barrier it's going to be difficult to train him right away.) Anyway, that night we managed to get his out layer of clothing off. Underneath he was wearing knit pajamas, so he slept in those. We didn't dare try to give him a bath the first night as upset as he was.

The second day, he was a little better. He cried much less, but still whined when we changed his diapers and clothes for the day. I was afraid he would be scared of a bath that second night, but he ended up loving it.

The bonding and attachment seemed to start quickly. He saw Mia coming to us for hugs and to be held and he would do the same. At first he would back into us for a quick hug. As days went by he seemed to be more and more comfortable with giving and receiving affection.

We had been told that he was naughty and mischievous. We started seeing this by the second day. He would look at us before he did something he knew he shouldn't. We would tell him no, then he would smile or laugh and do it anyway. We think he did this in the orphanage in order to get more attention. He has for the most part stopped this since we have arrived home.

By the third day in China, the crying/whining stopped, and we were able to change his diapers and clothes without him getting upset.

Another behavior that has been particularly difficult is that every time we were in a public place with lots of people, such as restaurants, trains, planes, etc. (which was daily while in China) is that he would scream as loud as he could and run from us. Maybe the bonding and attachment wasn't going as well as I had thought. He would run up to strangers and try to look at their phones, or push buttons on their laptops or look in their bags. A couple times he called other women ma ma. He has had multiple caregivers (calling them all ma ma), because he has lived most of his life in an orphanage. He doesn't understand boundaries with strangers, because he doesn't understand what a family is.

Adoption is hard. A child that has been institutionalized has many obstacles to overcome. Generally children are 6 months behind developmentally for every year they have spent in an orphanage. This would make Yangkang more like a two-year-old, and in many ways this seems to be the case.

We have been home a little over a week now, and he seems to be making progress a little each day. By the way the final stage of grieving in toddlers is temper tantrums. We have seen a few of these, but thankfully they have been mild and not violent.

Our biggest challenge right now is Mia's jealousy, and Mia and Yangkang fighting over toys; regular sibling stuff.


Ready to go


World Traveler

Are we there yet?

Gotcha Day







Wanting to leave

Playing a little, but holding on to his shoes.

First night with us

2nd Day

It's official.



Noodles

Mia


Yangkang's Orphanage



Yangkang's Bed




View from his crib



First Happy Meal

Kids wearing mom and dad's shoes